The real acorn scandal: Check out this photo of President Ronald Reagan putting out acorns for squirrels living on the the White House grounds. We’d say this is adorable if it wasn’t just a taxpayer-funded handout for a bunch of lazy, disease-ridden vermin squatting on public property.
A South Carolina Democratic operative uses Mitt’s own words (and a smooth Al Green track) to show why the ex-Massachusetts governor will be a tough sell to GOP nutjobs. Among the greatest hits:
"I was an independent during the time of Reagan-Bush. I’m not trying to return to Reagan-Bush."
"I like mandates. The mandates work."
"I am not going to change our pro-choice laws in Massachusetts in any way. I will preserve them, I will protect them, I will enforce them. And therefore I’m not gonna make any changes which would make it more difficult for a woman to make that choice herself."
Mr. President, what if that potted plant right in front of us is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together its true motives?
Newt Gingrich probably didn’t say that—so far as we know. But he has said a lot of crazy things in his time. Like the time he said that he was the only thing standing between us and Auschwitz. Or the time he compared a disputed House election to the Holocaust. Actually, he’s compared a lot of things to the Holocaust. For the full rundown, check out the Newt Testament, our complete guide to 33 years of bomb-throwing.
"They remind us that where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost. They remind us that freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. You and I must protect and preserve freedom here, or it will not be passed on to our children, and it will disappear everywhere in the world.”
Ronald Reagan Labor Day speech, Liberty Island September 1, 1980
Back in our 1984 October/November issue, we asked a bevy of ridiculously talented writers and artists to imagine what four more years of Ronald Reagan would look like. (Why yes, that IS William Styron writing for us, along with [Sen.] Al Franken.)