Santorum’s Greatest Hits:
- His shock-and-awwwwwww campaign against abusive puppy mills.
- His complete and total reversal on campaign finance.
- The wrestling journalist who described his 1989 conversation with Santorum as “asshole central.”
- This quiz.
- His principled opposition to human–jellyfish hybrids.
- His defense of anti-sodomy laws.
- His love of coal.
- His bizarre attack on single mothers—and equally bizarre end-times theory about Iran.
- The fact that Obamacare was designed to help families like his—whether he admits it or not.
- His traveling roadshow, which included the aforemention dude with the pickup truck, and the overwhelming majority of the Duggars.
- His bizarre assault on prenatal testing, which he called a coordinated effort “cull the ranks of the disabled in our society.”
- His tendency to get sidetracked by arguing with college kids about gay marriage.
- And…his Google problem.
